The Weight You Can't See

There are days when everything feels heavy. Not just physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Spiritually. You wake up and somehow the world already feels like it has its foot on your chest. The simplest things feel difficult. Getting out of bed feels like a chore. Answering a text feels like work. Going to work, creating, smiling, performing, being “on” for everyone else... it can feel like trying to carry a mountain on your back while pretending the mountain isn't there. Here's the thing... I know what that feels like. I’ve spent a good portion of my life in an industry that thrives on rejection. Entertainment is a strange beast. You can work your ass off for years, build a career, create something you believe in, and still hear the word “no” more times than you hear “yes.” You audition, pitch, create, submit. You continuously put yourself out there. And sometimes... Nothing. Rejection after rejection can start whispering things into your head that aren't true.

Maybe you're not good enough. Maybe you're too old. Maybe nobody cares. Maybe you should just stop. That sh!t can get awfully heavy, awfully fast. Then when adding everyday stress, responsibilities, disappointment, uncertainty, and all the other bullsh!t life throws at you, sometimes you reach a point where even someone who is normally strong can feel completely broken down.

I've been there. Hell, I'm still there. I genuinely think that's something we need to talk about more. Because there is this ridiculous stigma surrounding depression, anxiety, stress, vulnerability and simply admitting that you're struggling. We're taught to toughen up. Suck it up. Push through. Don't let them see you sweat. Don't show weakness. Yet, here's something I've learned:

Being vulnerable doesn't make you weak. Nor does being sensitive. Asking for help doesn't make you weak, and admitting that you're not okay doesn't mean you're giving up. It just means that you're human. I can be strong and sensitive at the same time. I can be the guy who has spent decades fighting, performing, creating, building businesses, entertaining people and refusing to quit... all while still surviving days where I just don't have the answers. Those things can coexist. Strength doesn't mean you never fall. Sometimes strength means admitting you fell and reaching for someone's hand. Which brings me to something else I've been working on...

Me.

I've been working hard on my weight. At my heaviest, I was 376 pounds. Only a few months ago, I was the heaviest I've ever been... and I was miserable. Today, as of this writing, I'm around 332 pounds. That's 44 pounds gone. But here's the thing... The number on the scale isn't the only victory, the true victory is that I started investing in myself. I've been walking almost every day. Finding places new and old to keep things fresh... incentive to achieve my goals. I'm moving. I'm making different choices. I'm trying. Some days, that walk is easy. Other days, it's a battle.

But I go.

Because sometimes you don't need to completely transform your life overnight. Sometimes you just need to take the next step. Then another. Then another. That's how you get somewhere. I also believe that applies to more than weight loss.

It applies to depression.

It applies to grief.

It applies to burnout.

It applies to stress.

It applies to life.

You don't always have to have the entire road mapped out. Sometimes you just have to make it through today. If today is a sh!tty day? Okay. It's a shitty day. That doesn't mean tomorrow will be. It's okay not to be okay. Read that again.

It's okay.

You don't have to pretend everything is perfect. or put on a smile for everybody. You don't have to convince the world that you've got everything figured out, and you certainly don't have to suffer in silence because you're afraid somebody might look at you differently. Talk to somebody. Let somebody in. Allow the people who love you to love you... even when it isn't easy. That's a big one. Sometimes we push people away because we don't want them to see the ugly parts. We don't want to be a burden. We don't know how to explain what's happening inside our own heads. So we isolate.

The people who genuinely love you, however, aren't necessarily looking for the polished version of you. They want YOU. The good. The bad... exhausted, confused, emotional, pissed-off, scared. The version of you that doesn't know what the hell it's doing. Let them love that person too. If you're reading this right now and you're carrying something heavy that nobody knows about... I want you to know something. You're not alone.

I don't care how successful somebody looks.

I don't care how many followers they have.

I don't care how much money they make.

I don't care how many accomplishments are listed next to their name.

You have absolutely no idea what somebody is fighting when the cameras aren't rolling. Everybody has something. Everybody carries something. Sometimes the strongest-looking person in the room is the one fighting the hardest battle inside their own head. So if you're struggling right now, don't measure your progress against somebody else's highlight reel. Just keep moving. Even if it's slowly. Even if it's ugly. Even if you take two steps forward and one step backward. Keep moving, and most importantly... keep breathing. Because sometimes when the weight of the world is sitting on your shoulders, it genuinely feels like it's impossible to move. Impossible to breathe. But you have to keep moving, and you have to keep breathing.

One breath. One step. One day. Then another. That's how we get through it.

I've spent my life believing in fighting through the bullsh!t. But I've learned something along the way: You don't always beat the bullsh!t by pretending it isn't there. Sometimes you beat it by looking directly at it and saying:

“Yeah. You're here. But you're not taking me with you.”

I'm still here. I'm still walking. I'm still creating. I'm still fighting. I'm still trying.

I'm still figuring sh!t out. So if you're in that place right now... Take a breath. Give yourself some grace. Talk to somebody. Let someone love you. Then, when you're ready... Take one more step. You don't have to climb the whole mountain today. Just take the next step. I'll be taking mine right beside you.

Stay strong. Stay sensitive. Stay human. Above all else... Keep moving.

- Brim