Alright… it seems that over the course of time, I’ve somehow managed to etch out a position where the “Brimstone” character seems to be comparable other Hell-ish characters. No, I’m certainly NOT a Satan worshiper – nor am I a bad guy; or mean person by nature… yet somehow, based on my stage name and overall ‘look’ alone – it makes me synonymous with being a badass. This… is ok by me.
I was strangely asked awhile back, who would grace my personal list of the ‘15 Biggest Bad-asses that Ever Escaped Hell’ – to which I thought was pretty humorous and would be a fun read; but on the real - never really took the time to think about it and document it. Seriously, it may seem like a small task in theory; but it is absolutely not! It’s difficult for many reasons… there are SO many characters to choose from, and how could I possibly choose? I decided, why not pick my own brain, procure a comprehensive list and post it on the BrimBLOG for funsies. I decided that I’d switch it up a bit though and make it “15 Biggest Hell-‘ish’ Bad-asses” instead. I think it works a little better and should hopefully be a fun read!
Seriously - did you actually
think I would leave myself off such an epic and important list of bad-asses who’ve ever bad-assed? C’mon man… Brim is one bad-ass mamba jamba (even if I am talking about the comic book version of me)! As one of the baddest mofo's ever to walk the barren wastelands of the Netherworld itself... this Borderhound (yours truly) has earned his rightful place in the top players ever to grace the pits of Hell. Just as dangerous as the creatures who reside there, and twice as cunning - Brim uses a take no prisoners approach in his line of work. The half-demon | half-human son of the Architect himself, Brimstone is no stranger to Corporation of Hell and he’s absolutely a certified badass… perfect candidate to kick off the ultimate list of bad-assery!
14) Motley Crue:
For decades (I can’t believe how long it’s actually been… geez), Vince (Neil), Tommy (Lee), Nikki (Sixx) and Mick (Mars) have been defying the proverbial devil by shouting at him, her, he, she – or whatever the devil identifies as these days. As they’re preparing for their comeback tour that’ll hopefully take place once COVID is under control (hopefully sooner rather than later) – I’m assuming Motley must have broken down and eventually brokered a deal with the devil since they’re all somehow still alive and kicking (thankfully) after all those years of debauchery! I know you’ve seen and/or read, The Dirt – you’re def picking up what I’m laying down. Bad-asses.
Kratos in the God of War manages to visit both Hades and Tartarus throughout the course of the game series. As he is a big, bad and scary badass - he doesn't leave either one without ultimately destroying dozens, upon dozens of foes. Matter of fact, he makes his way to Hell and back so frequently - they might as well install a revolving door to accommodate him. Or perhaps a beneficial frequent flyer program? I’m almost positive that Kratos visits Hell at least once per game released. Badass or not… you decide.
Beetlejuice… Beetlejuice… Beetlejui – Ok, maybe I shouldn’t; but you know some part of you wants to say it three times (especially if that brothel shows up when he does). Let’s be honest, he’s a bad guy you just can’t really hate… even when he’s sucking the life out of the Maitland's, ruining the Deetzes' dinner party and scaring the bejesus out of that creepy guy Otto (he actually gained points for that stunt). He’s been to Hell and still walks to the beat of his own drummer, I mean – he’s the ghost with the most babe! Badass number 12 – step up… its showtime.
11) Jack Skellington:
I’m not actually going to justify this pick with a lengthy description, because I don’t have to. He’s the patron spirit of Halloween (my favorite holiday which = big points) and honestly, anyone who wants to bring ‘Sandy Claws’ and Christmas to Halloween Town is ok in my book! Change my mind. Trust me... you won't be able to. Skellington is one of those characters that you bring with you for life. Badass and can sing to boot, he's comfortable in his own ski... well... bones. I think he should def do a collab with those boney 'Spooky, Scary Skeletons' dudes - that track would be fire!
10) Captain Jack Sparrow:
Who in their right mind doesn’t enjoy the ridiculousness of Jack Sparrow! Seriously, the character is one of my all-time favorites in cinematic history – nobody bends the rules to his or her favor more so; or better than he. If you recall, when he was banished to spend eternity in the depths of Davey Jones’ locker - he was in essentially in Limbo; which is an alternate form of Hell. Now this cheeky little monkey managed to bend the rules and find a way to escape – just to deal with an attack on the Black Pearl moments later (in which he again somehow got away unscathed), making him – in my opinion… a serious badass.
9) Ghost Rider:
Who wouldn’t have a supernatural, Hellfire wielding, chain swinging, leather clad biker with a big badass flaming skull for a head on their list? I sure would… and well, I do. I consider Ghost Rider the poster boy for the term ‘anti-hero’ (aside from the Punisher), his sin manipulation and damnation stare themselves teeter on a very fragile line that bends towards evil incarnate; however somehow he somehow skirts by and is considered a ‘good guy’ at the end of the day. Now, I can’t get behind the bad Nicolas Cage flick… that did nothing for the character; but I have high hopes for him to re-join the MCU at some point in the future. Regardless, the comic book version of Ghost Rider is untouchable and he is a badass among bad-asses.
Angel or Angelus from Buffy the Vampire Slayer makes my list for good reason (not just because I’m currently re-watching the series in whatever free time I can find). Living for hundreds of years as a Vampire with the curse of a shiny soul – causing him to remember all the bad things he’d done… and he did lots, and lots of bad things… has to have been extreme torture! Meanwhile, he eventually meets Buffy… a little brown-chicken-brown-cow… then BOOM – soul goes bye, bye. Of course, bad things happen again and his slayer ex-girlfriend has to off him, thus sending him on a one way trip to Hell where he suffers an eternity of torture. Somehow, this badass finds his way back to reality to continue an everlasting souled life (and his own hit series). Well-deserved entry in my opinion.
In honor of the resurgence of Pinky and the Brain and Animaniacs… I figured it would be apropos to add the Brain to this list of all lists. In one of the Halloween episodes of the show, Brain himself travels directly to Hell without passing go and without collecting two hundred - to rescue his pal Pinky (‘Narf!). Now, it’s only fair to say that good ‘ole Pinky had sold his soul to the Devil in exchange for a "radish rose whatcha-ma-whoo-zit." Albeit, since this is a cartoon for children, they call Hell Hades - and Satan isn't actually named Satan; but you get the gist. Regardless, Brain was badass enough to travel into the depths to save his friend – so he gets an honorary add to this list!
6) Darth Maul:
In my opinion… the most badass Sith Lord hailing from the Star Wars Universe. No, just to be straight – I’m not adding Darth Maul to my list because of my friendship with Ray Park. I’ve been a fan of the character way before I knew the guy who played him personally. Seriously though, who wouldn’t consider this Hell-’ish’, red and black skinned, multi-horned, double-bladed red lightsaber wielding, acrobatic fighter the badass of all bad-asses?!? Seriously. Meanwhile, he was sliced in two; but did he die? NO… not only did he cheat death; but he attached his torso to mechanical spider-like legs to boot. Bad guy… perhaps; but in this case – who cares.
5) Billy the Kid:
William H. Bonney aka William Antrim; however best known as Billy the Kid is my personal prince of all old school bad-asses who hailed from the Old West. Now I’m sure, without a shadow of a doubt - that living back in those times HAD to have been pretty rough - I'm sure by our standards nowadays; it'd certainly be considered Hell. I always wondered what it would have been like to live in the days of the cowboys; but considering Billy died at the ripe old age of 22… it’s probably better off that I’m here in the twentieth century. Anyway, he’s in because I say so.
4) The Undertaker:
When I was a lot younger, pre-Brimstone… I used to watch WWE (of course at that time, it was the WWF) religiously. I’ll never forget seeing the Undertaker for the first time on WWF programming – it was the beginning of the end. He made being a darker character in wrestling not only cool; but truly badass. Honestly, without the Undertaker… Brimstone may have been a completely different character altogether! Taker and worked the first ever Hell in a Cell match against Shawn Michaels, and albeit he lost (due to interference by Kane) it still puts him in the Hell-‘ish’ category. A ring general who’s laid hundreds of opponents to rest with his Tombstone Pile driver… he’s earned his place in my Top Five.
It says it right there in the name. I’ve always loved this character and would’ve loved to see a crossover into my Brimstone and The Borderhounds comic series. I thought the character was genius and a pure badass the second I saw him… I hadn’t even read a word; but I was drawn to the pure bad-assery that was the brooding, blood red mofo with a gun in his hand and a smoky cigar nonchalantly hanging out of his mouth! Although I didn’t hate it, I wasn’t necessarily a big fan of the 2019 film with David Harbour as the lead – I just personally don’t see better casting than Ron (Perlman) for the role. Regardless, Hellboy will continue to hold a special place in the dark side of my heart.
Do I really need to elaborate on this one? Spawn unquestionably, must be one of the top dogs on this list based on the fact that he is AWESOME. That is all. Seriously though, no list of badass, Hell-'ish' characters would be complete without him - he's almost the end-all-be-all when it comes to this stuff... he is essentially a creature born in Hell! Again, another situation where the film didn't necessarily do the character any justice on the big screen; but regardless - this symbiote represents everything that this collection is based around. I'll never forget when Todd McFarlane released the first issue via Image - I knew this character was going to be something special... and he was. Well deserved placement.
1) Merle Dixon:
Now, similar to Ray (Park) earlier in the list… let me be clear that I didn’t add Merle to the list simply because of my friendship with Michael Rooker – I added him based on merit alone. Everyone who follows me knows that I am an avid watcher of The Walking Dead, and I would certainly consider the zombie apocalypse akin to ‘Hell on Earth’. The character, while coping with the ongoing and arduous direction the world is headed in TWD Universe, Dixon went through a moral revelation – defining his legacy and going out an unsung hero on his own terms... taking out well over dozen baddies and walkers with him! Let’s not forget… he sawed off his own hand. ‘Nuff said.
Perhaps a few honorable mentions are in order as well…
Scorpion: Who didn’t borrow the catchphrase, ‘Get over here’ from one of the most recognizable characters in Mortal Kombat? Scorpion is actually a hellspawn and resided in Hell; or the Netherrealm… depending on who you ask, they’re one in the same. Now what really makes him a respectable badass, is that harpoon-ish spear (kunai) that he devilishly hurls at his opponents. Def worth mentioning.
Buffy Summers: Yes, the Vampire Slayer herself – I debated whether or not to add her to the official list; however as closely as she plays with the countless demons pouring out of Sunnydale’s Hellmouth… she has not endured the amount of torment Angel had. Albeit, she did die and come back on a few occasions – I don’t think she qualifies as Hell-‘ish’. Buffy certainly IS 100% pure badass in a 5’ 4” package and a notable mention.
Din Djarin (Mando) and Boba Fett: I’m giving these two an honorable mention purely based on how awesomely badass the pairing truly is working together in the Mandolorian. The fact that Fett is still alive and kicking after his bout with the Sarlacc blew my mind, and seeing the armor in use again brought back all the memories from my youth! As where Djarin has grown on me throughout the two seasons and certainly has proven himself to be hardcore when it comes to bad-assery – Boba Fett gets a few more points from me. Sadly, neither are Hell-‘ish’ – so they unfortunately didn’t make the final list.
I hope you enjoyed this little foray as it was actually a blast putting it together! There were SO many options to choose from and honestly – the final fifteen could’ve been put in any order… it all comes down to a matter of opinion.
Would YOU have listed them differently? Let me know the order YOU would have picked!
Who are YOUR picks from real life, fiction or mythology and why?
Sound off in the comments section! - Brim